In her TED Talk Rebecca Bellingham tell us, “As a teacher and a mom, I cannot think of many things that matter as much as reading aloud to our kids, at home and at school.” I completely agree with her. Being read aloud to stimulates the brain, triggers the imagination, transports you to another world, broadens your horizons with experiences that you may never personally have, triggers your emotions, allows you to put yourself in another person’s shoes and escape your own life, if only briefly. It is magic!
Rebecca passionately states, “Reading aloud gives kids a special kind of access to the transformative power of a story and the experience of what real reading is all about, which is to deeply understand, to think, to learn and discuss big ideas about the world, about the lives of others and about ourselves.” If you are reading aloud to your child daily, as you should be, these BIG conversations occur naturally. They are so important to the process of growing up.
What struck me most in this talk is that she puts forward the idea that reading aloud to groups of children makes it possible for some children to “get inside a book” in a way that they’ve never done before. For some children, this is their only opportunity to “get inside a book” and to see that movie inside their head. If no one is reading to them at home, this is it.
“Getting inside a book” is one of those very important stepping stones to reading. Children eventually want to control when and how they have this experience for themselves and therefore are motivated to pick up a book they may be dying to read because their friends are talking about it.
Reading aloud could be a catalyst to life-long reading and high literacy levels. The power of reading aloud to children cannot be underestimated.
Experienced teachers share things parents should do to set their kids up for success – Part 6 of 10
There are a multitude of factors that determine a child’s academic success. However, there are indications that developing a sense of responsibility and accountability can have a significant impact on the quality of a child’s school performance. Being accountable means being responsible for something and ultimately being answerable for your actions.
So why is it that accountability & responsibility have such a great impact on a child’s school performance? It is all about the behaviour that this elicits. It is a very powerful thing for a child to realize that they can be positively in control of their lives. It’s life-altering for a child to discover that by choosing and directing their behaviour responsibly, they can determine the outcomes of their situation, day, week, month and year.
When a child takes on ownership and responsibility, to some degree life stops happening to them and they start an amazing journey where they discover constructive control, where they are the driver, the navigator. Being responsible and taking ownership doesn’t happen overnight but slowly becomes the norm and a very satisfying part of growing up. This, however, does not happen overnight, nor does it happen of its own accord. Children need to be held accountable in order to learn about and develop a sense of responsibility. Children need to be given opportunities, at appropriate ages & stages, to develop skills and to be responsible and to own their behaviour and decisions, in age-appropriate situations, by the adults around them. In order to do so they need to learn about consequences.
The subtle yet damaging messages created by excuses
If we do not hold children accountable and continually make excuses for them – because we think that doing household chores is too hard for them or that handing in a project on time is too great an expectation of them – then we are sending them the message that we think they are not capable, cannot be trusted, are weaker than their peers and that they need someone else to do it for them, someone who can do it better than they can. They need someone with more power, who is less likely to be challenged, to make excuses on their behalf. Many parents are taking on this role more and more. This in itself is an enormously powerful, yet negative and damaging message, that can strongly impact a child’s view of themselves.
A child who is constantly getting these types of subtle yet negative messages from the adults around them about low expectations, cannot feel good about themselves, cannot feel capable or valued. Taking this path is how we end up with university professors receiving calls from loving mothers trying to explain why their adult child did not hand in an assignment by the due date, even though it was issued 2 months ago and their child is 22 years old. Yes, frighteningly this does happen more often than you would think. Some mothers arrive in person in order to be more persuasive.
Parents need to demonstrate, instruct and encourage
As parents and teachers, we need to demonstrate, instruct, encourage and allow children to be more responsible for their actions and accountable for the outcomes, their successes and their failures. They should own all of it – the good and the bad. This is not being mean to them. In no way do I mean for you to leave a young child out in the cold (emotionally), without support or supervision, to cope on their own. Obviously, teaching responsibility and holding them accountable is a process of imparting skills from a young age, while still being supportive. It involves actively teaching them life skills and then showing trust in them by giving them responsibilities in small manageable increments. This allows parents to gradually increase their child’s responsibilities in a way that allows them to cope, in a way that builds their confidence and pride in their growing independence. What it doesn’t mean is making excuses for children when they could have, and should have, been responsible and accountable.
One thing to note is that to a large degree children learn responsibility and accountability by observing the adults around them. If the adults around them are not taking ownership, not being responsible or not holding themselves personally accountable for their own behaviours and decisions and not being good role-models, then children will NOT learn about either easily. The adults have to lead by example.
Ways to teach life skills and encourage children to take responsibility and be accountable:
Pick up their own toys
Clean up their own mess (age-appropriate)
Get dressed on their own.
Be ready on time for school with some supervision.
Pack their own bags the night before school.
Make their own beds.
They should know what is required of them for homework.
Complete projects on time.
Seek additional help when necessary.
Ask questions in class.
Monitor their own learning and progress.
Do chores at home.
Be responsible for taking care of a family pet.
Take care of their own belongings like jersey’s, lunch boxes and hats.
Be responsible for keeping one area of the house neat, tidy & organized.
Outline the consequences and carry them out when necessary – be consistent.
Show them what personal accountability looks like by doing it ourselves.
Create a safe space for them to admit that they messed up, take it on the chin, offer no excuses and make reparations. Making mistakes and failing is part of life. Learning how to deal with failure is also a key life skill that needs to be learnt.
The bottom line is that whether a child is held accountable or not is up to the parents and their chosen parenting style. If your child is 10 years old and still can’t dress himself/herself, whose fault is it? Who should be held accountable here? Most certainly the parent.
Children who have learned to take ownership and responsibility for themselves tend to…
get actively involved at school
develop organizational skills
be neat and tidy
be good at time management
have their own academic goals
be better behaved
push themselves to improve in areas they feel matter the most
have confidence in their own ability & capabilities
take pride in all that they do
have a sense of belonging
have better people skills and understand their peers better
feel less helplessness in the face of adversity
work well in groups
know what the consequences are
show greater leadership skills
care about having a healthy relationship with authority figures because they feel confident
go out into the world without failing or falling face down
It is a no brainer to me that this is what a parent would want for their child. Why are we then seeing so much ‘helicopter’ parenting and babying where children are being raised to be irresponsible & unaccountable, where parents arrive with a list of excuses on behalf of the child or even worse do the work themselves and pass it off as if it is the child’s work? This essentially teaches the child to lie but once again teaches the child that he/she is not capable of doing the work.
An important distinction to remember is that responsibility can be shared but accountability cannot.
Respect your children enough to hold them accountable.
“Even infants get profound cognitive and behavioral benefits from sharing a vivid story,” says Ms. Gurdon of the Wall Street Journal (18 January 2019).
If you are a parent you simply must read this article I came across in The Wall Street Journal. It is written by Ms. Gurdon who writes the WSJ’s “Children’s Books” column. The magic and power that lie behind the picture book have been expressed so well by her that I cannot help but publish the link here so that you can read the original article.
I read aloud to ‘M’ three times a week. This is one of the most precious times during my week and I wish I had more time to offer her. We are currently reading a book about Sawubona animal sanctuary that is being taken away from the family that founded it. It is about the relationship between a young girl, her grandmother, a game warden, the animals they care for and the man who is trying to take away everything that they have built. I read this story aloud to her.
As I read ‘M’ is riveted, entranced, filled with wonder and oozing need. I feel it pulling at me. I don’t think anyone has ever read to her before. Can you imagine that? Watching her unfold as we go through this reading experience together is magical to me. Although she is a woman, not a child, she generally sits facing me and while I read she does not take her eyes off me. I realized this the second time I read to her. I looked up after two long pages to find her frowning in concentration and focus, leaning forward, her eyes intense and wanting, pulling at me. By the end of our reading session she stretched as if coming out of a long dream. She was grinning uncontrollably and could not stop saying how much she had enjoyed it. She did not want to stop.
Over time, her intensity and anxiety around understanding has lessened and now I find her face more relaxed and fluid, her expression changing along with mine, her comprehension growing. I stop every now and again to check that she understands or to explain a word or phrase that I feel needs clarification. We move on.
Hooked on books
To this day ‘M’ still watches my face like a hawk, for any change in expression, trying to eek out every bit of understanding that she can. But now there are added emotions – WONDER, ANTICIPATION, BREATHLESSNESS for what comes next, PLEASURE and JOY. This is where I wanted to be with her. In a place where she experiences the sheer PLEASURE of reading and storytelling – the MAGIC and the DESPERATENESS of needing to know what comes next. This is what turns people into readers. She is hooked. For life. After years of teaching, I know the signs.
‘M’ is a young South African woman who did not finish her education. Sadly, she was forced to drop out of school very early due to family circumstances. We all know this South African tale very well and we know, even better, the consequences thereof.
‘M’ moved to Jozi a while back and has just started her working career, following in her mother’s footsteps. The only problem is that she struggles a great deal with communication, which means she will always struggle to get work and to keep a job. I decided to offer her reading classes as she lives in close proximity. I have discovered that she is very keen to learn and to perhaps complete her schooling at a later stage.
‘M’ has turned out to be an avid learner. She practices reading at home even when she hasn’t been given homework. We took a trip to the library, a first-time experience for her, and she became a member there and then. She has been a bit intimidated by the staff, as the librarians are quite stern, but I think she is now feeling confident enough to visit on her own. She loves the fact that she can go shopping for books for free.
Playing it forward
What is important to note though is that in teaching, reading aloud & doing remedial reading with ‘M’, I know that I am not teaching just one person. She is young and does not yet have children, but I know that when she does have children she will ensure that they also join the library. She will set an example by reading herself. She will be a mother that passionately reads to her kids. I know that she will read to them every single day that she possibly can. I know that she knows that this could change the trajectory of a person’s life. What we are doing in our lessons now is going to seep into the future, develop a life of its own, and have a positive impact on more than one individual’s life. ‘M’ knows the value, magic and joy of reading to someone and the power that it has. She will use that power going forward.
Many people regard reading aloud as something that you only do with very young children. This is absolutely not true. Research tells us that there is much value in reading aloud to older children – even those in their late teens. Truth be told, we all enjoy a good story.
The benefits of reading aloud
Reading aloud to someone develops their auditory skills and builds and grows vocabulary and comprehension. It is an integral part of becoming a fluent reader and a literate person. Therefore, if an adult has not learned to read it is really important that they are read to by someone. This way they can be exposed to words and phrases that they are not yet able to read for themselves. Having opportunities to build & expand vocabulary is just as important and being able to read. This together with Buddy Reading (Phono-Graphix terminology advocated by Jenny Taylor of Read for Africa), where you support a learner who is reading aloud, you can make a world of difference to a persons literacy levels in a short space of time.
The befits of reading aloud to children, tweens, teens and adults
Positive modeling of pronunciation
Positive modeling of tone, intonation and expression
Improves listening skills
It helps with discussing difficult issues with older kids
It’s a way to work through the classics with older kids
It’s a way to introduce different genres with older kids
It sparks curiosity
It contributes to a thirst for knowledge & learning
It’s good for bonding
It is very satisfying and enjoyable
It is a stress relief for older kids
If every literate person in South African could take on one fellow illiterate or semi-literate South African in their immediate environment, and humbly dedicate 1-2 hours a week to improving their literacy levels by reading to them, we could, despite our Government and a broken education system, make an enormous change in our country. Building a literate nation cannot be left up to our teachers and a few volunteers. The task is too great for them as this requires many many hours of one-to-one time and teachers in South Africa do not have that luxury, unfortunately. It needs to be done on a massive scale, with everyone who is capable of reading, playing their part.
Experienced teachers share things parents should do to set their kids up for success – Part 5 of 10
Today we explore how to arrive on time and be ready to learn. In other words, here you will find tips for helping your child be prepared for the day.
Teaching your child the skill of being prepared, and enforcing routines and behaviours that allow them to achieve this, can be the difference between academic success and mediocrity. As a rule, children who do well academically are seldom the ones who arrive at school late, carrying half their project in their arms, sleep deprived with dishevelled hair and dragging a lunch box full of processed food behind them.
Whether we like it or not, routine is the recipe for being on time and having happy kids and parents. I might also add, that it is the answer to happy teachers too and most certainly contributes to academic success. The routines I’m referring to are morning routines, after school routines, homework routines and bed time routines. These routines are the cornerstone of children being able to arrive on time, ready to learn.
Your kids might buck against a new routine to begin with. However, when they know what comes next, what is expected of them, where the boundaries are and that there are no exceptions, they usually settle down and accept it quite quickly. Never give up on establishing childhood routines. It takes time and consistency.
Routines becomes even more important when there is big change around the corner, such as moving house or changing schools. Keep as many and as much of your old routines in place as you possibly can. It will help everyone in your family to transition through the change with greater ease and less disruption.
Routines allow for predictability and smooth the way for arriving on time, being prepared, experiencing less stress and feeling open to learning. Just the fact that having routines can reduce unnecessary stress for children should be enough of a motivation to implement them.
Routines also allow you to move away from constantly supervising your child every step of the way and allowing for more independence and ownership of tasks. This is important for the development of a child’s self-esteem and self-confidence.
As adults it is our job to create, initiate and maintain these routines to ensure that children will arrive on time and be ready to learn.
I can speak for hours about how diet affects a child’s performance, behaviour and readiness to learn. I tend to get on my high horse whenever the topic comes up, so please forgive me for doing so now. But really, with the access to information that we have today, there are no more excuses. JamieOliver has made sure of that with his food education drives that have reached out globally.
Firstly, breakfast is not negotiable. Grab a banana and a yoghurt for the kids and let them eat in the car if you have to. If you can, move away from sugary cereals and explain why you are doing so to your child. Educating our little ones about healthy food choices is essential and should start as early as possible.
If you’re packing your child’s lunch box with ANY of the following – chips, sweets, chocolates, biscuits, sugary drinks, McDonalds, left over pizza or two minute noodles – I’m talking to you, and I’m mad. The rest of you can skip to the next subheading.
None of the things I have mentioned above should be anywhere near your child’s lunch box, except for once a week, as a treat.
How can any reasonable person expect teachers to control 15 – 50 kids, in a confined space, who are wired on sugar, colourants, preservatives, MSG and a host of other bad things? If you want to sabotage your child’s ability to succeed at school, this is a very reliable way to do it. Do you have any idea how your angel behaves in a large group setting when they are high on sugar and MSG? Looking at the contents of the lunch box you packed, I’d say clearly not.
If your child is on medication related to behaviour and /or concentration and you are feeding them sugar and junk food, you may as well flush it down the loo. Any good that comes from taking the medicine is being cancelled out by unhealthy lunch box contents. There is a good chance that with a positive change in diet, your child won’t need medication at all to improve his / her concentration. You could save a ton of money and spend it on even healthier food options.
It may also surprise you to know that 100% fruit juice is not a healthy drink for kids and yet it is in every child’s lunch box almost daily. What is wrong with water? Ask any dietician whether it is healthy for kids to drink undiluted fruit juice on a daily basis? The answer is NO, because of the number of calories, the cavities it causes and the amount of sugar involved. This is not the way to ensure that your child will arrive on time and be ready to learn.
1. Provide whole grains and slow releasing carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are broken down by the body into glucose, the primary source of fuel for the brain. By including brown and whole wheat breads/rolls/biscuits meals there will be a constant trickle of energy for the brain to function optimally. 2. Include fresh fruit and vegetables daily Fruit and veggies provide the vitamins and minerals necessary for children to stay healthy and fight off unwanted germs. Including veggie sticks or fresh fruit is a better option than including a juice box. This is because unprocessed fruit and veggies in their whole form, as well as slow releasing carbohydrates, contain fibre which helps children stay fuller for longer and able to concentrate on the task at hand rather than a grumbling tummy. 3. Clean safe water is an absolute must. Research has shown that even a small degree of dehydration can impair cognitive function and concentration. 4. Provide your child with sufficient snacks for the day. Your brain needs two fuels to function, oxygen and glucose. Providing enough well compiled snacks will prevent a drop in blood sugar which will leave the child with less energy, more easily frustrated and with a feeling of hunger. 5. Plan carefully. With today’s fast paced life parents may tend to lead to convenient foods or even giving their children tuck-shop money. These foods are often high in sugar and fat which may impact a child’s weight. Childhood obesity has been proven to impact on disease status in ones later years of life.
As adults it is our job to control our kids diets and to educate them about healthy eating.
Children consistently need an age appropriate amount of sleep to be alert and ready to learn all day. If you have your routines in place, you should be able to get sleep right with your kids 90% of the time. The National Sleep Foundation tells us that most school aged children need 9-11 hours of sleep a night.
Without enough sleep it is impossible for a child to perform at their peak, academically or otherwise. So each day that your child is tired adds up to another day where they have lost out on information due to slow thinking or a lack of concentration.
We also know that not enough sleep can cause irritability, changes in behaviour, sleepiness, difficulty concentrating and moodiness. Not only can a lack of sleep affect academic performance, the ability to concentrate and feelings of motivation, but it can also increase irritability. Irritability can lead to conflict, causing relationship problems and problems with authority.
With today’s busy schedules it is quite difficult for children to catch up on sleep, much like it is for adults. Therefore, disciplined routines are essential so that sleep is not compromised.
As adults it is our job to create healthy sleep routines, which will ensure that our children arrive on time and are ready to learn.
Another life skill that children need to be taught from a young age is organisational skills. Kids who have weak organisation skills struggle with handling information in effective ways. Simple tasks, like packing up toys and putting them in the right place, can begin the process of learning to be organised.
Weak organisational skills frequently lead to difficulties in setting and identifying priorities, making and sticking to plans, staying with a task and reaching end goals. This makes it difficult for a child to arrive on time and be ready to learn
Organisation and Following Directions – Children have to focus on what needs to be done and then plan ahead, which requires mental organisation.
Organisation and Learning to Read – When matching sounds to symbols, learners need to file this information in a way that makes it easily retrievable. As learners progress through learning to read and striving for fluency the filing system in their head becomes more complicated, requiring more complex organisational skills.
Organisation and Literacy Learning – Literacy is a combination of reading, writing and grammar skills. To navigate between these three a child requires a number of organisation strategies.
Organisation and Learning Math – Math is a very organised subject. There are many rules and procedures to follow. As math gets more abstract and complex, children with weak organisation skills have trouble coping because they can’t create their own categories for sorting the information.
Children first learn by example and therefore it is important that organised behaviour is modelled in the home. They need to be taught that lego goes in one box and building blocks in another box. Norms like this also teach categorising skills to children, which later leads to the ability to organise information.
Letting children know implicitly that they are expected to be organised, and why, really helps. We also need to praise them when they get it right. If they can understand the reason behind a rule they are more likely to cooperate sooner or more frequently. It needs to be pointed out to them that there is a correlation between organisational skills and success at school. These skills have to be learnt and practiced as we are not born with them.
Set an example for your children. If you’re tidying up, packing your bag for the next day or making tomorrows lunches, make them aware of it and let them do the same alongside you. They can tidy their rooms, pack their school bags neatly, pack any sports bags they require and can even get involved in sorting out lunch boxes. If they forget or leave a bag at home, do not drop it off at school for them. Don’t take the responsibility or the opportunity to learn away from them. We have to realise that sometimes helping is actually hurting and that mistakes are an opportunity to learn. Being left out of the swimming class will ensure that their swimming bag never gets left behind again. The less you do for them, the more they will do for themselves.
Being organised allows children to stay focused on the task at hand and maximises learning time instead of wasting it on chasing down pencil bags and other resources needed at the time.
As adults, it is our job to model good organisational skills and to help our children to develop these skills. It is part of arriving on time and being ready to learn. Since it is impossible for us to always be there to run around after our kids we need to instil skills that allow for greater independence.
Arrive on time
Teaching your kids the value of being punctual is as easy as making sure that you get them to school on time almost every day of their school careers. I say ‘almost every day’ because we are all human and there are going to be those days where life does not cooperate. That’s okay, because kids also need to know that it is alright to be human and fallible.
The problem lies with those parents that are consistently late for school on a regular basis. Strangely enough, these are usually the parents who live within a few roads of the school. They cannot even use traffic as a plausible excuse. When a teacher addresses the problem with these parents, they never seem to get the severity of the problem. Punctuality is just not a priority for them.
The unintended consequence of a child being late for school on a regular basis are enormous and far reaching.
Firstly, they’re embarrassed because they stand out for reasons that they have no control over. If this happens daily their embarrassment grows.
This leads to daily stress and anxiety.
It is very disruptive to the start of the day for the teacher and it becomes incredibly annoying over time. The class register is always incorrect, early morning administration is incomplete and then requires followup, preparation routines are missed or interrupted and it generally starts the day off badly for everyone.
It is disruptive to the child’s peers as the morning routine is interrupted. Everyone’s concentration is adversely affected. Other children start to get annoyed over a period of time and they start to show their irritation in mean ways, as children often do.
Being late regularly has a social impact on a child because no one wants to be in a group with them. This is mainly because these children are perceived to be unreliable and separate from the rules that govern everyone else.
The stress and anxiety they feel prevents the child from focusing and from being ready to learn, causing even greater disruption and another reason why no one wants to work with them.
This child remains on the back foot all day, trying to catch up as they haven’t had the preparation time and gentle start to the day that everyone else has had.
They sometimes start to be treated as if they don’t belong because the rules that apply to everyone else don’t seem to apply to them. Kids are mean to those who appear to be outsiders. These children sometimes drift between friends and groups of friends, but never seem to settle into steady friendships. They don’t really belong and this is when teachers really start to be concerned.
When a child is isolated, does not feel like they belong, feels self-conscious, stressed, anxious, left behind and unprepared, we, as parents and teachers, cannot expect them to be academically successful or working to their full potential.
I believe that many parents, who notoriously get their kids to school late, do not intend for these to be the consequences. In fact, I think they may be completely unaware that there are consequences when you don’t arrive on time and ready to learn. If you are one of those parents, I hope that my article has opened your eyes and given you the motivation to make changes, for the sake of your child.
Experienced teachers share things parents should do to set their kids up for success – Part 4 of 10
If you want your children to be literate and successful, you had better get your head around whether to be strict about restricting screen time, and enforcing quality over quantity.
Parents need to be on the same page regarding this, with pre-determined family rules for screen time that are clearly laid out and adhered to by all family members.
Today I will stress the possible dangers of not restricting screen time. There is lots of research out there supporting both sides of this argument. I’ve made up my own mind but have you made up yours? Are you parenting your way through the digital era without a clearly defined strategy?
Here is some food for thought.
What is screen time?
Screen time is time spent in front of any type of screened device, for any length of time, for either entertainment or recreation purposes. This includes TV’s, tablets, laptops, computers, iPads, smart phones and game consoles amongst others.
Types of screen time
The main characteristic of passive screen time is that no thought, creativity or meaningful interaction is required of the child. The child passively absorbs information through mindless repetition or progress.
YouTube video on AutoPlay
Binge watching shows or movies
Active screen time
Active screen time involves cognitive and/or physical engagement while using the device.
Educational games that require decision making and problem solving skills
Making Youtube videos that involve creativity and decision making
Reading for leisure or knowledge
Remember that any screen time can be active or passive depending on how it is used.
Age appropriate screen time
In general, no passive screen time is recommended for children ages 0-6 years. There is research that suggests that it may delay language development, limit vocabulary growth or contribute to even more serious problems such as insomnia, screen addiction and lower psychological well being.
If screen time is allowed at all for children older that 6 years, it should be active, limited, supervised, interactive, fun and these activities should be played with family members. Don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of using screen time as a babysitting service.
For older children, I recommend limited screen time that is active and purpose driven. Some experts say that if it does not have educational value it has no value at all. I’m not sure if I agree with this completely but once again I strongly suggest that you don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of using screen time as a babysitter.
There is some indication that in older children too much screen time can lead to mood regulation problems, delayed or improper social development, concentration issues, behavioural and learning problems.
The effect of screen time on the brain
It is undisputedly a drug – and a fiercely addictive one at that. Studies on the effects of screen time on the brain, have indicated that the amount of dopamine released is comparable to that of cocaine or heroine.
UCLA Doctor, Peter Whybrow, refers to screens as “electronic cocaine” due to the level of dopamine that’s released while using digital technology. We know that the effects of dopamine are addictive, which is why so many of us adults can’t stay away from FaceBook or our other social media accounts. If we are unable to control our own addiction to screen time, we can’t really expect our children to do so of their own accord. We have to parent.
I’m sure most parents have experienced the epic, terrible two’s like melt down style tantrum that takes place when you switch off your child’s screen after asking them 3 times to come to the dinner table for the not negotiable family dinner. What transpires can be frightening, but in light of what we know from the research about addiction, it is understandable.
Victoria L. Dunckley (M.D.) has written extensively on the topic of restricting screen time. She indicates that by not restricting screen time it can lead to Electronic Screen Syndrome (ESS) which is essentially a disorder of dysregulation. In her article, she states that “dysregulation can be defined as an inability to modulate one’s mood, attention, or level of arousal in a manner appropriate to one’s environment. Interacting with screens shifts the nervous system into fight-or-flight mode which leads to dysregulation and disorganization of various biological systems.” No wonder a tantrum ensues.
In addition, Victoria L. Dunckley (M.D.) blames a lot of mental health problems in kids on the effects of electronic screens. She believes that “the unnaturally stimulating nature of an electronic screen—irrespective of the content it brings—has ill effects on our mental and physical health at multiple levels”.
Why be strict about restricting screen time?
We know that…
Children don’t reliably self-regulate screen time. Therefore, we should still try to teach them how.
There are an astounding number of articles online advising on guidelines for restricting screen time in the home. I strongly feel that there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ option that will work for everyone. I think that as a family you should do sufficient research of your own in order to make an informed decision. Then create a set of rules / guidelines that work for your family, that everyone can adhere to and which don’t compromise your child’s psychological, social, educational and behavioural well being. Balance is everything.
My only list of suggested ‘musts’ are these…
Each family must have rules that govern screen time.
These rules must be adhered to consistently.
The charging of digital devices should take place in the parents’ bedroom overnight.
Parents / legal guardians must have access to all social media accounts and must monitor them.
Adhere to the law and age restrictions regarding social media accounts. There are reasons for these age limits and 13 years old is a general guideline.
Restrict screen time close to bedtime.
Restrict screen time during dinner time.
No screen time until homework and chores are done.
Paper books must still be part of a child’s daily life.
Screen time must not be used as a babysitting service.
Experienced teachers share things parents should do to set their kids up for success – Part 2 of 10
Today I want to discuss why you should always speak positively about your child’s teachers, the school they attend and the education system, despite what you REALLY think. Today’s children need to value their education more than ever in order to improve their chances of success in such a competitive world. However, significant adults in the lives of children might be hindering them more than helping.
Complaining has become a national sport.
South Africans have a tendency to be very negative and critical these days, often with good reason. Weekend after weekend we sit around our braais, with our families and friends, and furiously complain about the lack of service delivery, the increase in crime & corruption, the state of local municipalities, the desperate state of our education system, potholes that are so prolific that people put pot plants in them as a warning, the dropping of educational standards, how there is no value in today’s education, how inept, pathetic, lazy, worthless and over paid teachers are – and on and on it goes. All of this takes place within earshot of the children. Some can sing this song better than our own national anthem.
I once sat in a beauty salon listening to a woman and her daughter bore the poor childless manicurist to death, for TWO hours, with complaints about her child’s teacher and school. It was apparent that she saw no value in her child’s education, despite the fact that her child was at what is generally known to be a good school. In the name of self-preservation, I shuffled off before my nails were dry, and went and bought a teacher a gift.
Children are sponges and will spill the beans
Children listen to and absorb everything we say, especially when it has anything to do with school life, juicy details about teachers or themselves. Not much has changed since we were growing up.
Let’s be fair, children do not always know what is okay to share and what is not. In the same way that teachers get to hear about your marital problems, botox injections, drunk driving and financial woes, they also get to hear what you say about them. Teachers overhear children telling their friends what their dad said about Miss G last night. Sometimes, what you say gets flung at at their teachers angrily, as an excuse or as a threat. It is apparent that what they are overhearing is damaging to the teacher-child relationship. Let’s face it, it is very hard for your child to behave respectfully towards an educator that is openly and regularly devalued at home.
South Africa is a tough country to live in. Each individual is already faced with umpteen obstacles and challenges in their daily life. Is there really a good enough reason to burden our children with even more negativity?
The greatest impact of these overheard discussion is on the child and not the teacher. Wake up! You are modelling that it is okay to have a lack of respect. By doing so you are hurting your children, their education and their relationship to the other significant adults around them.
Seeing value in education is key to motivation
In order for our children to value themselves, and feel motivated at school, they need to hear that what they are applying themselves to – their school life – is worthwhile and valuable to their family and their community. This is fundamentally important, as this is their whole world.
We force them to dedicate twelve years of their life to school. To get through these twelve years, and be successful, they are going to need a positive attitude, truck loads of motivation, a strong work ethic, tenacity, dedication, diligence, a sense of humour AND support from home.
If a parent is constantly criticising and tearing apart the system within which their child is trying to achieve, how can the child have any faith in the fact that their hard work is going to pay off? How can they believe that what they are striving for is going to be of value one day? How can we expect them to dedicate themselves to something that we obviously think is rubbish? Food for thought.
Are you hampering success? Ask yourself…
Am I unintentionally sending the message to my child that I do not value the people or the place I send them to for approximately 7 hours a day, 5 days a week?
Through the opinions that I express, am I hampering or helping my child’s ability to succeed at school?
With my words am I creating a bridge or a barrier to my child’s success in school?
When attending school, young children have the right to feel safe, nurtured and free of worry of the things that they have no control over. By this I mean the things that should only concern adults.
Children naturally feel stressed when they sense that confrontation between home and school is imminent. Why burden them with that? Feeling safe and secure ensures that their minds are free to focus on the job of learning – learning to read, learning to write, learning to speak, learning to calculate, learning communications skills, learning organisational skills, playing, fostering friendships – and all the other important childhood concerns that should take precedence over everything else.
If they do not trust and respect their teachers, their school and their education system, how can we expect them to be motivated to learn? If we devalue their achievements by devaluing the institutions they attend, how can we expect them to have the necessary self-worth to achieve great things later on?
Pride in one’s school is one area where private schools seem to have an advantage over public schools. This is an area where parents of public schools can play a very important role.
Always speak positively and respectfully about your child’s teachers and the school that they attend.
Have adult conversations out of earshot of your children.
Don’t burden your children with your worries and concerns about their school.
Help your child to value their education.
Approach the school directly if you have any concerns.
Follow the appropriate communication channels set out by the school.
Always keep communication channels open with your child’s teachers.
When the school and parents work together, the child wins.
Experienced teachers share things parents should do to set their kids up for success – Part 1 of 10
What I’ve noticed over the years is that the children who do well academically tend to have a strong family culture of regular family dinners. These children report having robust discussions about the days events, current affairs and other relevant topics. As a result these children often have strong verbal skills and a good dose of confidence, mainly because they get a lot of practice. Their strong verbal skills generally translate into stronger writing skills. This ultimately means that they cope fairly well at school.
As teachers we get to hear about your family’s daily life during classroom discussions. It may surprise you to know that we hear about the arguments, the money woes, which parent farts in the bath like Shrek, that crockery was thrown last night and who received a speeding fine and cursed at the cop.
Are you really listening to you kids?
Your children also tell us that you are completely inseparable from your phones and tablets and that you often don’t make eye contact when they try to communicate with you. They mutter that they are tired of you murmuring “Uh huh” “Mmm” and “I’m listening – carry on” when you are busy on your phone and really aren’t listening at all.
I hear the resentment in their voices. We, as teachers, hear them complain to their friends about the fact that both their parents work at the dinner table, taking business calls, because they are so busy setting up a new company. We know which families eat separately because of busy schedules or which families religiously eat dinner in front of the TV. As teachers we are privy to way too much information.
Dinner time and self-worth
I want to remind you that despite how busy your lives are and how commendably hard you are working to provide for your family, you must remember that children crave talking about their day with their parents. YOU are the significant adults in their lives and YOU matter most.
Dinner time is the perfect platform to feed their minds and nurture their souls through conversation. Conversation helps them to blow off steam and feel important. It helps to build their vocabulary and practice their newly acquired communication skills. It encourages them to think for themselves, find the words to express their thoughts and to practice social etiquette. All of this is invaluable.
Don’t underestimate the benefits of family dinners for us as adults either. We need them and benefit from them as much as our children do.
By regularly setting aside time for family dinners, you are sending a very powerful message – “I value you. I value the time I spend with you. I genuinely want to know how your day went. What you experienced and learnt today is something that this family values. I value what you think and what you want to say. You do not have to ASK for time to speak to us, your family. We want to listen.”.
Advice for Parents:
At dinner time put away all electronic devices, and turn off the TV. Remove all distractions.
Your children have a life away from home that they are dying to share with you – new experiences, successes, failures, worries and concerns, new knowledge & skills, new friendships, friendship problems or just the everyday things that they have discovered and experienced out in the world.
They share the attention of their teachers with a large group of children for several hours a day. Therefore, at home they need your undivided attention for at least a portion of the evening. Give it to them before they go looking for someone else who can give them the attention they need.